Posted in Georgia by Danielle Jacques on 5/15/2012
I have lived in a lot of different places in my life. Besides moving 3 different times before I was 12, I've been to at least 16 countries, touched 3 oceans, and visited some amazing places I'd only ever seen in magazines or on travel shows. But even with all that traveling, it was nice to know that there were people back home that were praying for me, reading my blogs or emails, and waiting to see me face to face to hear about all my adventures.
After 15 years of having that support and love from my friends in Wisconsin, I now have to say goodbye. It's not a "forever" goodbye, because I know that I will get many opportunities to visit and reconnect. But it will definitely be a strange feeling to not see people at church anymore, or go out for coffee with someone, or go to my lovely hair stylist, or meet up with a friend for dinner and a movie.
Even with sad goodbyes, I'm excited about what waits for me in Georgia. This past week, my parents and I drove down to Gainesville, about an hour north of Atlanta, to look for a home for us to rent. That's right, my parents are moving too! If you haven't heard that story, let me fill you in.
The first week of April, my dad was flown out for a job interview in Pennsylvania and we all thought, "This is it!" At the same time, we got an offer on our house. It was much lower than what we wanted, so we almost didn't respond. We countered and then found out that my dad didn't get the job. We thought that was it, but then the person upped their offer...a lot. After much prayer and deliberation, we accepted and we all felt that Georgia was the next step for all of us.
After several days and over 10 home walk-throughs last week, we finally settled on a home that has pretty much everything we were hoping for. And our landlord is super nice! I also got to meet with my boss and several great people at AIM. We got to stay at an AIM staffers home, which helped us out so much and was so much more comfortable than a hotel. And my parents got to see just how awesome AIM people are.
Even though many things are not yet settled, we all feel very encouraged that God is in the middle of what we're doing. As much as I love to have the details figured out, I am more interested in being usable for whatever God has for me. I have loved being in Wisconsin and will miss so many people, but I am expectant that God is preparing great things for me and my parents in Georgia.
As of today, I am almost 50% funded. First and foremost, I need your prayers for guidance, provision, and energy as I begin my job in June. I also would love to be fully funded by the end of this summer, which you can also help me with. Any gift, of any amount, helps me reach my goal faster. You can donate directly from this site or ask me to send you donation forms to mail with your check.
Thanks so much for being part of my journey! And it's not over yet!!!!
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Posted in Next Season by Danielle Jacques on 4/8/2012
The Bible says that we should confess our sins to each other and help one another carry the burdens that we face in life. Lately, I feel like God is doing some spring cleaning on my heart, and the results of what I'm finding are what these next few blogs will be about. It's not all pretty, but it is worth it.
Christians have a lot of phrases and words that only other Christians can understand. Some call it "Christianese", others might say "Jesus jargon" or "Bible babble". Whatever you call it, you know it when you hear it, and if you're not a native speaker, well you'll probably scratch your head and wonder what on earth that person is talking about.
I've found myself using a lot of "Bible babble" in relation to my fundraising and my plans for moving to Georgia. If you've spoken with me lately and asked me why I wasn't in Georgia yet, I probably said something like this: "Oh, well I'm just waiting on the Lord to provide for my finances. The Lord works in mysterious ways, but He has the ultimate plan. I'm just keeping my peace and I'll get there when I can."
I may have embellished that a little, but you get the jist. Here's the problem. The whole phrase is a bit of a cover-up for the things I'm really thinking. Let me translate.
"Oh, well I'm just waiting on the Lord..." This means that God isn't laying out all the details. In fact, He's saying very little and I'm going crazy trying to figure out if I'm doing what I'm supposed to. Waiting, yes, but patiently, yeah right.
"...to provide for my finances." This is a tricky one, because on the one hand, I do believe God will provide, but on the other, I'm constantly thinking of new ways to raise money, of new people to ask, checking my account several times a day to see if the "miracle" $10,000 check has arrived. Sure, He'll provide, but when? I mean, He provided for His people in the Bible, so He'll provide for me, right?
"The Lord works in mysterious ways, but He has the ultimate plan." Mysterious or annoying? I know what God has called me to do, but it's not exactly happening in a way that makes sense to me. In fact, I feel like I may never get to where I want to be. And yeah, He's got the ultimate plan alright, but He's very conveniently leaving me out of all planning meetings. Can I at least get a memo?
"I'm just keeping my peace and I'll get there when I can." This one is really a good thing to learn to do, but usually when I say it, it's more wishful thinking than honest confession. Being peaceful in times of strife and turmoil is really hard. Impossible really, when I try to maintain it myself.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not totally lost here. And when I finally talk to God about how I'm really feeling, a weight begins to lift off me and I start to trust a little more. No, He doesn't give me all the answers I want, but He reminds me that He's never failed me yet and He's not about to change.
So, this is my confession for all Christians who have used our fancy phrases to sound more holy than we actually are. To sound like we have it all together, when really we are going under. I've asked the Holy Spirit to keep me more accountable for the things I say and hopefully you will too. If I say anything "jargoney" press me a little further to make sure that's really what I mean. And if it isn't, give me a little grace and pray for me. I'm working on it.
GEORGIA UPDATE: I'm at $660 a month, still need $1240 more, per month. Donations are as easy as clicking on the link to the left that says, "Support Me!" and making a few clicks. Seriously, it's that easy!
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Posted in Georgia by Danielle Jacques on 2/22/2012
You know that feeling you get when something is on the tip of your tongue? You're so close to remembering that name or idea or word, but for the life of you, you can't spit it out?
Well, that's sort of how I feel right now. I'm still a little ways off with my fundraising, but I've been so ready to get down to Georgia for the past month and a half that it's just as frustrating as having something just on the tip of your tongue and yet not really having it.
So, I'm working on updating everyone (consider yourself updated) and working on meeting new people and making new contacts in order to widen my fundraising base. And since you might be wondering, here's the official update on my finances:
I have raised - $530 a month My goal is - $1900 a month, so.... I have - $1367 to go, per month, to be fully funded
Whether you can afford a one time gift of $10 or $100 a month, any gift gets me closer to being in Georgia and finally getting to work at AIM. You can donate right from here, by clicking on the "Support Me!" link on the left. Thanks!!
Being home with my parents these past five and a half months has been a very interesting time in my life. On the one hand, it has allowed me to rest and reconnect with my church family and friends who live nearby, and it's allowed me to see how so many of us are in the same boat.
My dad has been unemployed for almost 15 months. He is over 60 and has worked in a fairly specialized field for most of his career. Both these things have made it challenging for him to find good job prospects. He's great at what he does, and since I've been home he's finally begun to get some phone calls and has even had 2 interviews. Every time a good job comes along and he has phone interviews and e-mail conversations, it has always ended with someone else getting the position.
So I've realized that I'm not the only one who feels like something great is just on the tip of their tongue, so to speak, but it never quite materializes. So if you've been waiting for something to change or something to break, take some comfort in these words, because sometimes we just need to remind ourselves who is on our side.
Matthew 6:31-33 - "So DO NOT WORRY, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father KNOWS that you need them. But seek FIRST his kingdom and his righteousness, and ALL these things shall be given to you as well.
2 Corinthians 4:6-8 - "For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but NOT crushed; perplexed, but NOT in despair; persecuted, but NOT abandoned; struck down, but NOT destroyed."
2 Corinthians 10:3-5 - "For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."
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Posted in Next Season by Danielle Jacques on 2/13/2012
In December, I spent 10 days working through a prayer study. I had been struggling to hear God and felt like I was missing Him somehow. This is what I learned.
Dec 26, 2011
Today I had a breakthrough.
It wasn't what I was expecting. In fact, it was something I already knew. But for whatever reason, I had been wanting something new, something bigger and fancier and shinier, when the truth I have needed has been pounding at my heart for months.
Finally, I get it. God wants to know me. That's it. Sounds simple right?
But it's not. We complicate it in every which way we can think of. We believe the lies of the devil and the doubts in our heart and think up a million reasons why we can't know Him - I don't know how to pray. I don't know any worship songs. I don't understand the Bible. I keep messing up. I don't like church. I don't like Christians. I don't have any time. I'm not worth His notice. We feed on these lies until we believe them and find things in our lives that seem to prove them. The problem is that even if you believe a lie, it's still a lie. And yet, for some people, believing that God genuinely cares about them sounds nuts. And I agree. It does sounds nuts. It sounds impossible, and to our weak little human minds, it is. But God can overcome our inability to understand if we just take the chance.
I think there is something incredibly powerful about being known. It's why people make business cards, write autobiographies, put their faces on products and huge signs by the highway. We all have signatures that are uniquely ours and we lose our identity, literally, when someone forges it.
We need to be known and we find ways to be known that seem easier than being known by some ginormous, all-knowing, floating head in the clouds that booms out orders to His lowly subjects in the mud. At least, that's what the skeptics say. But being known by people isn't always that satisfying.
People judge you. People laugh at you. People give up on you. People lie to you. People pretend to like you. People betray you. People use you. People abuse you. People forget you.
Thankfully, God isn't "people". He's God. And He prefers to do things differently. It doesn't mean we'll always understand why He does things the way He does, but somehow, it all works out. And the proof is in the lives of the people changed by simply being known...by God.
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Posted in Georgia by Danielle Jacques on 11/14/2011
A little over a year ago, God asked me to do something that I couldn't do. It may sound like a strange thing for God to ask, but in reality, He asks each of us to be a part of something that we can't do by ourselves. It can be a very uncomfortable place, but when things are beyond our control, God's glory is that much greater.
I started The World Race with plenty of ideas about what it might look like. I imagined many worst case scenarios that thankfully never happened. I hoped I would laugh a lot, cry a little, and see a lot of things I'd never seen before. Of course, there were days I wanted to go home and days that I wanted to drop all my team mates off a cliff. (I love you guys, really :) There were days that I was boiling hot, freezing cold, exhausted, hungry, sick and puking, and completely out of my element.
Then there were the moments that really mattered. The smiling faces that were excited to see me, the beautiful night skies full of shooting stars, the noisy meals that filled me with laughter and thankfulness, the hot showers that reminded me what it felt like to be clean, and the God conversations that changed my view of the supernatural.
How do you come back after a journey that takes you to so many extremes? How do you even communicate what you saw and felt and battled inside?
You can't.
But what I can tell you is this. God is continuing to call me to do things that I can't do without Him and He is hoping that I will follow Him, like I did when I said yes to The Race. So, here's what He's calling me to now. Drum roll please...............
In January, I'm moving to Georgia to work at Adventures in Missions. I'm going to be a personal assistant to the head of Short Term Missions and run the Peru and Cambodia adult trips. I am in a season of learning and the people at AIM are ready to teach me all sorts of awesome things. I will get to be in the mix of all the action at AIM and provide some necessary support and organization to make sure that people are going where God is working.
Of course, the first lesson I get to learn is humility. I need to raise most of my salary for the year, $1900 a month. And that means that I need your help.
First off, I need PRAYER! Please pray for discernment and direction and that God will provide for me. Pray that my transition will be smooth and that I'll be able to learn what I need to know quickly and be able to work well with my boss and team.
Second, please pray about supporting me, either for the first time or again. Any gift, in any amount, will help me out. And if you know of other people who might think I'm cool, send them my link and let me take it from there.
I will keep blogging and keep updating you all on what I'm up to and what God is doing. I am expecting great things this year!
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Posted in Next Season by Danielle Jacques on 9/22/2011
So you're on your way home or have just gotten back.
You've been eating all the food you missed, seeing your friends and family, wondering why you sold all your clothes, and asking God, "Okay, what's next?" Well, let me give you a little advice, Animaniacs style. Good Idea: Seeking advice from spirit-filled mentors who want you to be in God's will. Bad Idea: Seeking advice from the guy at McDonald's who just wants to know if you want fries with that. Good Idea: Spending a week in World Race/AIM community, being poured into and encouraged. Bad Idea: Spending a week in the wilderness, trying to figure out how to start a fire and not be eaten by bears, because you may or may not currently look like one (if you're a man). Good Idea: Talking to people who have been on the World Race and seeing what God is doing in their lives now. Bad Idea: Talking to people who have been on the Amazing Race and are now going through therapy because they tried to kill each other or were tormented by a team that hated them for no apparent reason. Ok, those are a lot harder to write than you would think. The originals are better. But seriously, Kingdom Dreams: Searchlight is a place to hear from people who have been back for a little while, for a few years, or who started the whole thing, and are interested in investing is us. Racers are Racers for life. Ashley Musick probably told you that. And no, you don't have to come work at AIM if that's not what God has for you. But AIM has people that know about business, about planning, about traveling, about networking, and about taking risks for God. Don't do this alone, because you will make a greater impact in this messed up world if there are people training you, praying for you, and giving you opportunities to grow and be changed. Check it out, and PS, it's free! http://www.kingdom-dreams.org/
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Posted in Next Season by Danielle Jacques on 9/22/2011
On a lovely Sunday morning in New Berlin, I walked into church, wearing one of my punjabi tops from India, and I heard the proverbial question every World Racer hears after returning home:
"So, how was your trip?" I answer honestly but vaguely, "Great. It was great." And of course, that's the understatement of the year, but it gets me past that first question. The World Race, in fact, was great. But it was also challenging heartbreaking eye-opening stressful incredible humbling risky tiring delicious colorful powerful peaceful prophetic worshipful crowded adventure lonely breathtaking prayerful It was a lot of things and it has changed me completely. Well, some things are the same. I still like movies, eating, making jewelry, playing games, laughing, discovering new places, and hanging out with my favorite people. But I'm a little less selfish, a little less judgmental, a little less impatient, a little less close-minded, a little less skeptical of God's power, a little less unsure of myself and my ability to do things for God, a little less mean, a little less materialistic, a little less structured with my plans, and a little less needy for the things of this world to make my life easier. So, in many ways, I've lost a little "ME" and gained a little bit more of God in me. And when I say a little, I mean that in many ways God has been peeling back layers, bit by bit, and it hurts a lot when it comes off. So He does it bit by bit, as much as I can handle, and eventually He'll get to my core and then I will really know who I am. So what's next? Well, I'm still working on that, but God has given me some resources to figure it out. At the moment, I am in Georgia, finishing up a one week seminar of sorts called Kingdom Dreams Searchlight. The point of the seminar was to figure out what God placed in our hearts while on the Race and help us figure out a plan to get there. It's been pretty jam-packed with teaching and then practicing what they taught us, but it has helped us focus and plan a bit. Of course, God is still guiding my steps, but I'm doing my part to figure out which direction He wants me to head.
There are a few things I'm praying about and one of them is a partly support raised position here at AIM. I would be like a home missionary, helping get other missionaries on the field and sometimes taking newbies somewhere and showing them the ropes. I know that God has me in a season of learning and trying on new hats, and being here at AIM would definitely be that. So, you may be hearing more from me about this in the coming weeks, but right now I would just love some prayers.
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT, PRAYERS, KIND WORDS, AND LOVE over these past 11 months (and the years I've known many of you) and don't even think I'll be going off somewhere, never to be seen again. I'm here to stay, even if I have to commute.
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Posted in India by Danielle Jacques on 8/10/2011
Working in an orphanage for our final month on the Race sounded like something we'd done a number of times already this year. But this orphanage is a bit different than the others we've been to. When we first arrived, the kids placed necklaces made of yellow marigolds around our necks and we were fed an awesome breakfast. Throughout that day and the next, we learned more information about the orphanage and I started to realize how important this place was. I was struck by how beautiful the children were and how they were genuinely happy, with huge smiles plastered across their faces, which made me smile too. Plus, they are some of the most well-behaved kids we've met, doing their chores without complaint and helping each other with their school work.
As far as their stories go, at least five of the children are from a leper colony, where they would be labeled as unclean and unfit for schooling if they had stayed there. Several were handed over by prostitutes, who otherwise would've left them somewhere to die or aborted them. Only two are actual orphans, but all have been surrendered to the home to be raised until they are 18. Of course, this particular home exposes the children to the love of Christ and each child shows a deep commitment to God that amazes me. They pray out loud together several times a day, hold a worship service twice a day, and they know more worship songs by heart that you would think possible. Christianity is more or less tolerated in India, but it is illegal for someone to try to convert a Hindu. One of the workers at the home experienced serious persecution a few years ago, when the Hindus in their town attacked the Christians there, burning their homes and beating dozens to death. It was spurred on by the death of a prominent Hindu leader who had silently burned hundreds of churches every year, without repercussions. The Christians were blamed for his death and many of the attacks were caught on tape, a permanent reminder of the hatred humans can have for each other. So in so many ways, these children are the hidden ones. From difficult beginnings to a precarious present, they live with the hope that one day they'll be doctors, singers, nurses, teachers, and parents. That one day, it won't matter who their parents were or where they grew up or what God they worship, but that they received straight A's in school, that they work hard at everything they do and that they are the best kind of people - honest, compassionate, loving and genuine. Until that day comes for them, them remain hidden in Christ, loved and cherished like the royalty they are.
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Posted in India by Danielle Jacques on 8/10/2011
S i g h t s - W i n d i n g s t r e e t s a n d a l l e y s , w i t h c o n c r e t e h o u s e s t h r e e s t o r i e s h i g h , i n g r a y s , p i n k s , b l u e s , y e l l o w s , a n d g r e e n s
- C r o w d e d s t r e e t s , w i t h s h o p s s q u e e z e d n e x t t o e a c h o t h e r , b o a s t i n g t h e i r w a r e s a n d b u s t l i n g w i t h c u s t o m e r s
- B e a u t i f u l o u t f i t s i n t h e f u l l c o l o r s p e c t r u m , w i t h m a t c h i n g s c a r v e s a c r o s s t h e h e a d s o f t h e l a d i e s w e a r i n g t h e m
S o u n d s
- T h e h o n k i n g o f a m i l l i o n c a r h o r n s - N o h o r n , n o l i f e
- M e n p u l l i n g c a r t s a n d y e l l i n g f o r p e o p l e t o c o m e a n d b u y t h e i r g o o d s
- C h i l d r e n y e l l i n g a n d l a u g h i n g a s t h e y p l a y o n t h e r o o f s a n d i n t h e s t r e e t s
- H i n d u m u s i c p l a y i n g f r o m u n k n o w n s o u r c e s , m a k i n g y o u f e e l l i k e y o u ' r e i n a m o v i e , c o m p l e t e w i t h s o u n d t r a c k
S m e l l s - Y e l l o w c u r r y , g a r l i c , f r y i n g b r e a d , b l a c k p e p p e r
- A m i x t u r e o f r a w s e w a g e a n d l a u n d r y w a t e r a s i t f l o w s d o w n t h e d i t c h e s a l o n g t h e s t r e e t
- E v e n t h o u g h i t ' s e x t r e m e l y h o t , v e r y l i t t l e B . O . ( g o f i g u r e )
T a s t e s
- C u r r y a n d l e n t i l s , c u r r y a n d c h i c k p e a s , b u t t e r c h i c k e n ( w h i c h i s b r i g h t o r a n g e )
- F l a t b r e a d o r r o t i ( l i k e t o r t i l l a s ) , s w e e t b r e a d F r e n c h t o a s t , s w e e t p o r r i d g e
- P a n f r i e d v e g g i e s l i k e o k r a , g r e e n b e a n s , b r o c c o l i , c a u l i f l o w e r , c a r r o t s , p e a s , c a b b a g e , a n d p o t a t o e s
- R i c e , p l a i n o r w i t h m a s a l a s e a s o n i n g a n d y o g u r t s a u c e
- C u r r y f l a v o r e d r a m e n n o o d l e s , b u t t e r y n o o d l e s
T o u c h
- H o t a n d h u m i d , a l l d a y a n d a l l n i g h t
- S o f t c o t t o n s t h a t a r e s o l i g h t a n d c o o l
- G r i p p i n g a f r e e z i n g c o l d w a t e r b o t t l e t o c o o l o f f
- W r i n g i n g o u t c l o t h e s a f t e r w a s h i n g i n t h e m a c h i n e s o t h e y c a n g o i n t h e s p i n n e r
- S t e p p i n g i n t o a f a i r l y c o l d s h o w e r a n d f i n a l l y a p p r e c i a t i n g i t ( a l t h o u g h C a m b o d i a ' s c o l d s h o w e r s w e r e n i c e t o o )
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Posted in Tanzania by Danielle Jacques on 8/10/2011
T h i s m o n t h , I w a s r e m i n d e d o f a f e w t h i n g s I w a s b e g i n n i n g t o f o r g e t . K n o w i n g t h a t w e o n l y h a d t w o m o n t h s l e f t c r e a t e d a f e w i s s u e s f o r m e m e n t a l l y . F i r s t o f f , w e ' v e b e e n g o i n g s t r o n g f o r n i n e m o n t h s a n d a l o t o f s t u f f h a s h a p p e n e d . W e ' v e d e a l t w i t h a l o t o f p e r s o n a l i s s u e s a n d h a v e h a d t o a d m i t w h e r e w e f a l l s h o r t o n s o m a n y l e v e l s . I ' v e b a t t l e d w i t h s e l f - h a t r e d i s s u e s , f e a r s , b e i n g j u d g m e n t a l , b e i n g o v e r l y o p i n i o n a t e d , d o u b t i n g G o d , p e r f e c t i o n i s m . . . t h e l i s t g o e s o n . I h a d t o r e l e a s e c o n t r o l o n a l m o s t e v e r y t h i n g - m y t h i n g s , m y i n t e r e s t s , m y f r e e t i m e , m y p r e f e r e n c e s f o r f o o d , s l e e p i n g a r r a n g e m e n t s , w h a t c l o t h e s I w o r e e v e r y t h i n g . A n d y o u k n o w w h a t ? I w a s t i r e d o f i t . I w a s r e a d y t o b e a l i t t l e s e l f i s h f o r a c h a n g e . I s t a r t e d t o t h i n k t h a t I d e s e r v e d t h i n g s a g a i n . A n d I s t a r t e d c o m p l a i n i n g , m o s t l y t o m y s e l f , s i n c e I d i d n ' t w a n t t o h e a r i t f r o m m y t e a m . I w a n t e d h o t w a t e r a g a i n , I w a n t e d v e g e t a b l e s a g a i n , I w a n t e d p r i v a c y a g a i n , I w a n t e d t o s l e e p s o u n d l y a g a i n , I W A N T E D I T A L L B A C K ! I t ' s n o t t h a t a n y o f t h o s e t h i n g s a r e e v e n b a d . T h e y j u s t a r e n ' t t h i n g s I h a d a n y c o n t r o l o v e r a n d i n s t e a d o f f o c u s i n g o n w h a t I d i d h a v e , I w a s f o c u s i n g o n w h a t h a d b e e n t a k e n a w a y t h i s y e a r .
P o o r m e , r i g h t ? W e l l , t h i s m o n t h w e ' v e h a d l o t s o f c o n v e r s a t i o n s a b o u t h o m e t o o . W h a t c l o t h e s w e ' r e g o i n g t o w e a r , h o w m a n y h o t s h o w e r s w e ' l l t a k e , w h a t p l a c e s w e w a n t t o g o , w h o w e w a n t t o h a n g o u t w i t h . I n s h o r t , w h a t w e w e r e e x c i t e d t o g e t b a c k . S o , p a r t o f m e h a d s t a r t e d t o g e t u s e d t o t h e i d e a o f g o i n g h o m e , l i k e I o n l y h a d t o s u f f e r f o r a f e w m o r e w e e k s . I t w a s a b a d p l a c e t o b e a n d t h e o t h e r d a y I h a d a w a k e - u p c a l l . I n e e d e d t o s h o w e r a n d w e h a d n ' t h a d h o t w a t e r h e a t e d f o r u s f o r a w h i l e . S o I d e c i d e d t o s u c k i t u p a n d t a k e a c o l d s h o w e r . W h i l e I w a s s h i v e r i n g u n d e r t h e w a t e r , I t h o u g h t o f t h e p a s t o r ' s d a u g h t e r s a n d h o w t h e y o f t e n t a k e s h o w e r s e a r l y i n t h e m o r n i n g o r a t n i g h t . T h e y c o m e i n , w r a p p e d u p i n t h e i r s a r o n g s , s h i v e r i n g a n d r u s h i n g t o t h e i r r o o m t o g e t d r e s s e d . I w o n d e r e d i f t h e y m i n d e d i t a n y m o r e . T h e y o b v i o u s l y g o t c o l d , b u t I w o n d e r e d i f i t r e a l l y m a t t e r e d t o t h e m . I t h o u g h t , w o u l d n ' t i t b e g r e a t i f w e c o u l d b u y t h e m a n e l e c t r i c s h o w e r h e a d s o t h e y w o u l d n ' t h a v e t o b e s o c o l d . A n d t h e n I r e a l i z e d t h a t I w a s t h i n k i n g o f t h i n g s t h a t m a k e m y l i f e e a s i e r a n d m a y n o t r e a l l y m a t t e r t o t h e m a t a l l . A n d t h e n I r e a l i z e d h o w m y s e l f i s h n e s s h a d k e p t m e f r o m s o m e t h i n g v e r y i m p o r t a n t t h i s m o n t h . I h a d b u i l t r e l a t i o n s h i p s w i t h a c o u p l e o f t h e p a s t o r ' s d a u g h t e r s , w h i c h i s h a r d w h e n m o s t o f t h e m d o n ' t s p e a k E n g l i s h . B u t I c o u l d ' v e d o n e s o m u c h m o r e . I c o u l d ' v e s a t o u t s i d e w i t h t h e m a n d t h e c o o k s a n d h e l p e d t h e m p e e l p o t a t o e s . I c o u l d ' v e s a t w i t h t h e m a n d s h a r e d m y m u s i c o r p i c t u r e s , o r w a t c h e d a m o v i e w i t h t h e m . I c o u l d ' v e d o n e j u s t a b o u t a n y t h i n g a n d i t w o u l d ' v e b e e n m o r e t h a n w h a t I d i d . T h e y d o n ' t c a r e a b o u t t h e f a c t t h a t I d i d n ' t h a v e m y c l o t h e s f r o m h o m e , t h a t b a c k h o m e I e a t m o r e v e g e t a b l e s t h a n s t a r c h , t h a t I o f t e n s p e n d l o t s o f t i m e o n m y o w n , o r t h a t I g e t t o c o n t r o l m y d a y a n d d e c i d e w h a t I ' m d o i n g , a t l e a s t i n m y f r e e t i m e . A l l t h e y k n e w w a s t h a t I w a s t h e m i s s i o n a r y f r o m A m e r i c a w h o h a d g i v e n u p e v e r y t h i n g t o s e r v e w i t h t h e i r d a d a n d w a s c u r r e n t l y s l e e p i n g i n t h e i r b e d s , e a t i n g i n t h e i r l i v i n g r o o m , p r e a c h i n g a t t h e i r c h u r c h , a n d s h o w e r i n g w i t h t h e i r c o l d w a t e r . Y e e s h , w a s I m i s s i n g s o m e t h i n g . I a m g l a d t h a t I a m f r i e n d s w i t h a f e w o f t h e g i r l s h e r e , b u t I ' m s a d t h a t I d o n ' t k n o w t h e m a l l a n d t h a t I d i d n ' t t r y t a l k i n g t o t h e m a n d s p e n d i n g t i m e w i t h t h e m . Y e a h , t h e y m i g h t h a v e g o t t e n a n n o y e d w i t h m e e v e n t u a l l y , b u t i s n ' t t h a t t h e r i s k w e t a k e w h e n l o v i n g p e o p l e . T h e y m i g h t n o t l o v e u s b a c k t h e s a m e w a y , b u t a t l e a s t t h e y k n o w h o w w e f e e l . A n d t h a t ' s s o m e t h i n g p e o p l e a r e s u p p o s e d t o k n o w u s b y , e v e n i f i t ' s m o n t h 1 0 , I ' m t i r e d a s h e c k , a n d j u s t r e a d y f o r i t t o e n d .
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